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  • Dr. Andy and Renie Bowman

My Spouse: Dense, Or Just Different?

We went for our daily walk together that evening, just like always. As we passed a neighbor’s home a few houses down from us, Renie remarked, “Hey, look, they are evidently redoing the flower bed there on the right side of the house.”

To which Andy grunted a disinterested, “Why?…where?” Which prompted a rolling of the eyes from said wife, who then pointed and said, “Right THERE – can’t you tell?” Husband’s response was to look in the general direction she pointed and shrug, “Huh, didn’t notice.”

Now, this has been going on for many years. In fact, as long as we have been married. Renie immediately notices alterations to paint colors, plant layout, weather temperatures, someone’s mood, etc. But Andy is totally oblivious to what she sees as glaring changes. But on the other hand, he never meets a stranger, not for very long anyway. And he rarely has to admit he is lost, even in a large city he has never visited before. He just seems to have a natural instinct for direction and layout of streets.

Renie? Well, let’s just kindly say that she is directionally challenged, to say the least. If a bathroom is larger than a 12 x 12, you just might have to find her and lead her to the door.

These differences in approaches to life has caused consternation and misunderstandings thru the years. Causing both of us to look at the other at times and wonder “Just how dense can my spouse be?”

He isn’t. She isn’t. We are simply gifted by our Creator in totally different ways. Took us a long time to see and accept that fact. But once we did, we found married life certainly got easier. Andy’s strengths makes certain Renie finds her way home. And Renie’s creativity has made his life much more colorful and interesting.

But admittedly, it has taken a while to learn to appreciate these differences.

Time and determined effort. You don’t learn these things overnight in a marriage. And you don’t learn them by running for the nearest divorce lawyer when both of you can’t stand the sight of the other.

Commitment. We both agree, it’s hard stuff.

But the alternative is bailing out in the middle of the storm. Having to swim alone through the choppy waves for a while. Then trying again to find a someone, someone who will never let you down the rest of your life. Yeah, right. Good luck on meeting that perfect, sinless paragon of perfection. And if you did happen to meet that person – why would Perfection be willing to commit to Imperfection? Never gonna happen.

Instead, we learned to appreciate and celebrate our differences. So what if it takes years? We did say ‘I do, until death do us part.’ And as of today, we’re both still alive and kickin’, so bring on the give and take.


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